Life as a King...

Christmas Cards

2011-12-01T00:30:00.001-06:00

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Rylan's Birth Story

2011-06-14T15:26:00.007-05:00

The Birth story of Rylan Kensy King
As written by his mother, Shana Marie King
Born 6/9/2011, 2:50 AM, 7lbs 10 oz, 20 3/4 inches long, 13.5 inch head circumference.

My birth story with Rylan starts several weeks before he was born. We were slightly nervous of making it to the hospital in time as we had been planning on birthing at a hospital about 30 minutes from us downtown St. Paul. Now granted, there is a hospital just 2 miles from us but there are not ANY midwives that have privileges there and no option of water birth; two things I really wanted for my birth. I first had selected the midwife group I was with because they had a great reputation and a very low c-section rate. One of the hospital choices was St. Joseph’s and they have a stellar reputation for natural birth and I was kind of excited about being able to utilize that facility and have my water birth. With each appointment during my pregnancy I just felt more distanced from the group and never clicked with any of the midwives I saw. With Aydia I had a midwife that I loved and trusted wholeheartedly; this time I wasn’t finding that and I was getting discouraged but trusted that my birth experience would still be a great one.

Then I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. As I continued testing my blood sugars for a few weeks I noticed that no matter what I ate it seemed like my numbers never went above the levels they wanted me at. I started thinking I had a false positive with my testing. At my appointments I was measuring small and I was right on track with any other normal healthy pregnancy. I grew more confident that I had a false positive. Then at my 34 week appointment the clinic I was with told me that I wouldn’t be allowed to go past my estimated due date of June 2nd; something I wasn’t comfortable with and I refused to be induced just based on a label. There had been no ultrasounds to check his growth at this point since 24 weeks and no medical indication that an induction would be necessary. I was devastated. Induction was NOT an option for me unless there was a medical reason and I didn’t feel like it was justified at all in even bringing it up yet. So I discussed my options with my husband. Option 1 was to do a homebirth, but money was tight so even though it would have been our first choice we chose not to. Unassisted birth, as tempting as it was is something that my husband wasn’t comfortable with and I respect those wishes, even though we did have a hospital 2 miles away should something go wrong. My 3rd option was to seek out my old midwife that I had with Aydia and discuss things with her to see if I could transfer care. I knew she had moved to Hudson Physicians and we knew we could have a very fast birth so we debated back and forth over this before I made the call. But the more we talked about it the more it settled in that it was our only option in order to have a birthing experience best for both me and Rylan.

So at almost 35 weeks I made the switch to my midwife Stephanie Johnson. I left my first appointment from her feeling empowered again in my birthing choices and knowing that I had made the right choice. I trusted her. I didn’t trust the other group. I felt confident now that my birthing experience was going to be wonderful. We did a growth ultrasound right away and discovered that he was well within the perfect growth for his gestation. Even the doctor who performed the ultrasound agreed based on my numbers and the measurements that I likely had a false positive. However since I did get that positive on the test, we all agreed that it would be best if I did non-stress tests twice weekly to monitor him, just to be safe. At each appointment he passed without issues. My body started to make progress towards birth and by 39 weeks I was 2 cms and 75% effaced and measuring only about 37 weeks along. I expected to go into labor between 39 and 40 weeks since Aydia came right at 40. We spent that entire week walking, going bowling, using evening primrose oil, having sex, eating spicy foods, you name it and we tried it but little Rylan stayed where he was. At 40 weeks I was 3 cms along and honestly kind of shocked that I was still pregnant. Another ultrasound showed a perfectly healthy baby boy just content and cozy inside his Mommy.

I was also very happy now in my choice to switch providers as the other group would have wanted me induced by this time and it was obvious that Rylan wasn’t quite ready to come on his own yet. I wanted him to choose his own birthday as I really do think that babies know best as to when to be born, whether it’s at 37 weeks for some or 43 weeks for others! Going overdue however was a new experience for me and each day that passed after my due date grew more difficult. Physically I actually felt pretty good as Rylan hadn’t dropped yet and I was able to get around without any difficulties. However emotionally I was ready. By Wednesday at 40 weeks and 6 days I was hitting a wall. I was emotionally exhausted and felt like crying at everything. My daughter was trying my patience and so were the rest of my family. I spent some time that morning thinking about things and realizing how stressed out I was and how tense my body was. So I decided that whole day I needed to attempt to relax as much as possible. I drank some wine to relax my muscles and then took a one and a half hour bath while listening to my HypnoBirthing tracks. I went to get acupuncture done and that night before bed Brandon gave me a massage to help loosen my muscles. When I went to bed I felt some cramping but nothing that gave me indications of any sort of surges. I had a hard time falling asleep and finally drifted off a little before midnight.

I woke up to a strong surge and when it was over I looked at the clock and it said 2:02 AM. I turned back over and drifted back to sleep as I had been woken up by similar surges before. Then I woke up to another, stayed in the same position and quickly had a 3rd. I rolled back other and look at the clock which said 2:10 AM. I knew this was it as the 3 surges within about 9 minutes were pretty consistent with how Aydia’s labor started. I went to stand up and immediately felt amniotic fluid coming out. As soon as I was standing it really started coming out. I quickly woke up Brandon and he was out of bed and getting things ready to go right away. I noticed that there was light meconium in the amniotic fluid. I called my doula and birth photographers immediately so they could get on the road and then called labor and delivery and let them know to page Stephanie that I was on my way as my water had broke. I hurried upstairs to throw a pad in my underwear to catch the amniotic fluid and woke up my Mom to let her know we were leaving. I wasn’t officially timing things yet but pretty sure the surges were consistent at about 2-3 minutes apart but not uncomfortable yet.

Stephanie called me as we were leaving the house and said she would meet us there and that they were getting the water birth tub filled up for me. We were out the door by 2:22 AM. Brandon did stick to only about 10 over the speed limit as while we obviously wanted to get there quickly we also wanted to be safe. I started timing my surges and they were about 30-45 seconds in length right at 2 minutes apart. With each surge I used a technique mentioned by Ina May Gaskin where I used a low mooing sound to get through each one. By relaxing the jaw like this it also relaxed the muscles allowing things to not tense up. I rode each surge and didn’t fight them and they weren’t that bad, just a very strong tightening squeeze that rose up and fell each time. The surges quickly picked up to about a minute in length coming every 2 minutes. Between each one I was great, talking with Brandon, and focusing on what was happening to my body and getting excited that our son was on his way. When we had been in the car about 20 minutes I noticed that the surges were picking up in intensity and I was squeezing Brandon’s arm while using my sounds to get through each one. One particular surge lasted a full 2 minutes, and then I had a 15 second break and another one came on. I knew at this point that birth was very close.

We made it to Interstate 94 from 694 and I suddenly felt the extreme pressure of the baby entering the birth canal. We had only been in the car about 25 minutes at this point and were about 8 minutes from the hospital. My surges had been right on top of each other and all I could get out to Brandon was, “FUCK BRANDON! FUCK!” He thought it was because I was experiencing pain but really I was trying to tell him that the baby was coming. I had a break as we were coming down the ramp and I quickly stripped off my underwear and moved my skirt aside. I reached up and could feel Rylan’s head about an inch up the birth canal. I told Brandon to call 911 because the baby was coming. I’m pretty sure he told me, “We’ll make it baby, don’t worry!” So I told him, “No, you don’t understand, the baby is coming NOW!” So he got on the phone with dispatch but kept driving…he was determined that we were going to make it to the hospital!

I had unbuckled by this point and had shifted up in the seat kind of balancing on my left hip with my right leg pushing up against the door to lift me off the seat some. At this point I stopped noticing the intensity of the surges and concentrated on Rylan. I stopped making any noises and actually was transcribing to Brandon what I was feeling. A surge came and Rylan’s head crowned. I kept my hand bracing his head ready for him to make the next move with my body. My body surged immediately and Rylan’s head came out and his body immediately followed. I already had my hand bracing his head and I quickly hooked my fingers under his arms and drew him up onto my chest. I don’t think Brandon even realized that he had been born! I exclaimed something to Brandon about him being here and then focused only on Rylan. He wasn’t crying immediately so I vigorously rubbed him while keeping him under a layer of my skirt to keep him warm. I did blow in his face a few times as well. I couldn’t tell if he was breathing or not but he still hadn’t cried after 30 or 45 seconds so I gently put my mouth over his mouth and nose and blew gently into him. He immediately started crying. Not once was I worried, I knew his umbilical cord was still attached so he was getting oxygen from that. Dispatch was trying to tell Brandon to find a safety pin or a lace to tie off the cord and I remember that I was very adamant to Brandon that we were not clamping the cord! He asked several times, I think he was in shock. I relaxed back into the seat and just kissed Rylan all over and kept him warm, amazed and feeling empowered over what had just happened. He wasn’t interested in breast feeding yet and after about 5 minutes he stopped crying and just relaxed and started to open his eyes up at me.

At this point a Sheriff’s deputy showed up and just kind of asked if I was doing okay and we were both excellent so he just stood outside the car chatting with Brandon…who was still basically in shock and hadn’t really even checked out his son yet! I called Nicole, our doula, to let her know what happened and then Labor and Delivery and spoke with Stephanie as she was standing right there. She was proud of me for not clamping the cord. Right when I hung up with her a first responder from fire rescue showed up and he also wanted to clamp and cut the cord and I had to defend it once again that I was leaving it intact. He even tried telling me that we needed to clamp it as Rylan was on my chest above the placenta. I just kind of looked at him and said, “It’s fine. We’re NOT clamping the cord. I already spoke with my midwife and she also said we shouldn’t do it so we’re leaving it alone.” He listened to Rylan’s lungs and then backed away as well, Rylan was still cuddled up on my chest, occasionally crying out but mostly just snuggling in, covered by my birth skirt and my robe had been placed on top of us at this point as well.

Nicole then showed up as she was coming up behind us on the freeway. As she did the deputy asked Brandon if he knew her and he said no, and I quickly jumped in with, “Yes you do! It’s Nicole!” Ha, poor Brandon still didn’t really know what had happened I think. I think I had my wits about me much more than he did the whole time. Nicole jumped in the car with us just amazed at everything and telling me how proud of me she was. I had also called our birth photographer Melissa and of course she had just passed us when I did so she decided to go onto the hospital and wait for us there. The ambulance showed up about 10 minutes after birth and checked out our vitals and then I was transferred out of the car into the ambulance to head onto Hudson hospital. I had guessed the time of birth at this point to be about 2:50 as I had looked at the clock several minutes after birth making the entire labor about 50 minutes long. It was probably about 3:15 or 3:20 by the time we arrived at the hospital. I went through ER first where basically all they did was check my blood pressure and his vitals again. Then Stephanie quickly pressured them into releasing me to the labor and delivery ward and into the water birth room. It was around 3:45 when Brandon cut the cord and I delivered the placenta thus officially completing the birth. Rylan stayed on my chest while Stephanie checked me out and gave me 2 small stitches…amazing considering that my perineum basically didn’t have any time to stretch considering how fast Rylan came!

After checking for any hemorrhaging Brandon was able to hold Rylan for a brief moment while I was able to get off the table and into the water birth tub. Rylan was handed to me as soon as I was in there and we spent a good 30 minutes relaxing in the tub. It was heaven! Rylan stretched out and relaxed and you could tell he loved it. He latched for the first time while in the tub as well and took to breastfeeding right away. The tub has lights in it that can be different colors and we choose blue. It was just perfect, everything about his birth was perfect and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Sure, it was an unplanned, unassisted, freeway birth going about 80 miles per hour down the road, but it was simply put, AMAZING. I feel very empowered now and even more so do I trust birth, my babies, and my body.

We were also interviewed by WCCO on Thursday afternoon and it aired on the 10:00 news cast. Here is a link to that story: http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/06/09/wyoming-minn-couple-delivers-baby-off-of-interstate/

Happy Due Date to me!

2011-06-02T21:41:00.003-05:00

Well June 2nd. I didn't think I was going to see this date and still be pregnant, and neither did my midwife. Honestly though I'm kind of happy I'm still pregnant. Call it selfish but that means that I get just another few days (or hours or weeks) to him all to myself. I'm kind of sad today now that my due date is here and knowing that this journey is so close to being over already. This pregnancy just flew by and I wish I would have had more time to treasure it knowing that this is most likely (100% likely according to husband) my last pregnancy. As hard as this one was in the beginning the 2nd half of this pregnancy has been really enjoyable and I'm really going to miss feeling my little guy moving inside me. Obviously I'm excited to meet him and see what he looks like and watch him grow and develop outside of me but it's a bittersweet thing knowing that this is almost done.

Today I had my NST/40 week check up and things went perfect. He passed the NST in the minimum 20 minutes like he normally does. I'm measuring 38 weeks instead of 40, so he's likely not a BIG baby (although who really knows) and I'm making quite a bit of progress. I'm 3 cms, 75% effaced and very soft. He still hasn't dropped, which is why I'm still super comfortable at this point and not feeling like I'm ready to be done with this pregnancy yet. Because of all this I'm sooo happy that I switched to Stephanie though. With the old clinic they would have wanted me induced by today just because I hit my due date because of the label of gestational diabetes. Stupid label. I still don't think I have it. The last two mornings my fasting number, which needs to be 95 or lower, was at 83 and 82. Last night for dinner I had BBQ chicken, a big baked potato, cauliflower, and a HUGE helping of chocolate lava cake because it was my Dad's birthday. Yeah, 2 hours later I'm supposed to be 120 or lower and I expected to be over because of the cake. I was at 112. I don't have gestational diabetes and nothing anyone can say will ever convince me that I actually do have it. Oh, and I've gained a whole 5 pounds now for this whole pregnancy; most of it the past 2 weeks because of the weather getting warmer and some retention/swelling that I'm starting to have.

So I guess we'll see if I have Twinkle this weekend or if he's going to hang around for a bit longer. I'm kind of getting the feeling that I have around a week left but who knows. If I make it till Monday I have another NST and actually a growth and biophysical profile ultrasound to check on him. I'm sure everything will go smoothly with that. Hopefully though my next update will be that I had the baby! In the mean time, enjoy the latest pictures.

39 weeks; let's get going!

2011-05-26T14:54:00.003-05:00

39 weeks pregnant. This was my goal was to get this far and then have this baby before I hit 40 weeks. I've been practicing my HypnoBirthing and listening to my May 27th CD as much as possible. Looks like things are progressing nicely as well and my midwife is very optimistic that this baby will be here in just a few days. She doesn't think I'll make it to my next appointment on my actual estimated due date of June 2nd (next Thursday). She was right with Aydia, lets hope she's right on this one too!

The last two NSTs I've had have gone very smoothly. Both times he passed right in about the 20 minute mark. On Monday I had a few small contractions while on the monitor and he reacted beautifully to them. I started loosing my plug a bit on Sunday night and that happened only 10 hours before Aydia was born but this time it's more of a gradual loss vs a lot at once like it was with her. I did have her sweep my membranes on Monday and we did it again today as well. On Monday I was still at the 1 cm and 50% but today I'm at 2cms and 75% so I've made a bit of progress! That's where I was when I went into labor with Aydia with the exception that she was a little lower than this little guy is now. Another big difference is that I measured right at 39 weeks at this point with Aydia and I'm measuring 36 weeks today, so maybe he'll be quite a bit smaller? It could be that he's also more off to one side still as well. It's so hard to tell. Anyway, she did a sweep today and said she even felt the bag of waters bulging out a bit so we're praying that things happen soon now. I'm walking, drinking my red raspberry leaf tea, using evening primrose oil and of course I'm *supposed* to be having sex too...we'll see. ;-) Send any and all labor vibes my way please, I'm planning on having this baby by the weekend's end so we're on "Operation Get Twinkle OUT!" right now.

38 weeks

2011-05-19T22:24:00.004-05:00

Today I had my typical NST and 38 week appointment. First off, I'm still only 1cm and 50% and Twinkle is still hanging out pretty high so nothing is really happening. The only thing happening right now is that he's slowing down a lot. Pretty much to the point of where Aydia was as far as activity, which is really odd for this baby since he's almost constantly moving. I mentioned it to Stephanie and then we did the NST. With the NST we're looking for a 20 minute period with at least 2 heart accelerations in it. Today he just wasn't cooperating. First he kept moving off the monitor, then he finally stayed on but didn't do any accelerations. Finally after about 45 minutes she gave me some apple juice to drink to see if he would wake up a bit. 30 minutes later he had finally had a 20 minute period with the accelerations.

So I almost failed the NST today. If I had they would have sent me for a Bio-Physical Profile, which is an ultrasound that looks for specific things like a certain amount of arm/leg movements and practice breathing and checking blood flow from the placenta to the baby. Luckily I ended up passing though. I did however measure really small today, 34 weeks instead of 38. I'm pretty sure this little guy is going to be smaller then Aydia was. He might be long but I don't think he's going to be big. Honestly with that information, plus the slower baby, I'm kind of surprised they didn't send me in for a BPP to check amniotic fluid levels. But an OB signed off on it since Stephanie had to go deliver a baby and wasn't able to check things off at the end of the appointment so I'll trust that they know what they are doing there. Kind of makes me nervous though. Tonight however he's back to his normal active self, so maybe it's just that he's saving up his energy for our birthing time.

Still gearing up for a May 27th birth date with my HypnoBirthing CD but I'm allowing my mind to be open to dates before that. Like starting tomorrow we're supposed to get Thunderstorms coming through sporadically until Sunday morning. Maybe one will be severe enough and change the Barometric pressure enough to send me into labor? I'm open to that.

37 weeks and the waiting begins

2011-05-12T13:57:00.001-05:00

37 weeks along! That's kind of a big week mark to hit in pregnancy as it means that if Twinkle were to be born at this point he would be considered full term. It also opens up the door to water birth officially. I mentioned last week that I'm doing 2 Non-Stress Tests a week from this point on. I had my 3rd one done today, all have been fabulous when it comes to results. Today we were able to get him to stay on the monitor right from the start so it only took 20 minutes vs on Monday where he we were trying to figure out the best place to track him and it took about 50 minutes. Luckily since he's always so active he shows plenty of accelerations within that time to pass considering that he only needs to show 2 of them.

The Non-Stress Tests are actually to monitor the placenta's health. When he shows at least 2 accelerations in a 20 minute period that shows that the placenta is functioning correctly and getting the correct blood supply and oxygen to him for him to continue thriving. No one is honestly concerned that my placenta will deteriorate but since I have that damn Gestational Diabetes label we have to do it to make sure, even though my numbers are still perfect without even really trying or even modifying my diet.

Aydia comes with me on these appointments as I have them all scheduled for around 11am on both Mondays and Thursdays and no one else is of course home at that time to watch her. Both Stephanie and her nurse Kristen compliment her each time on how well behaved she is! She sits happily for the 30-60 minutes it takes to get everything done eating a snack and watching a Veggie Tales movie and occasionally talking with me. She never attempts to wander away from her chair or anything, just sits there as content as can be. THANK GOODNESS! I don't know what I would do if she were a super active child...which is probably what Twinkle will be.

Comparing the two pregnancies I know that he is MUCH more active then Aydia ever was. She moved around of course, but more stretches and never active periods of more then 15-20 minutes and then relatively quiet for at least an hour. Twinkle likes to squirm and squirm and squirm. I get a quiet period out of him for about an hour in the afternoon, other then that he's ALWAYS moving. At night I'm up every 30 minutes at least due to his activity. Seems like every night I'm waking around 4:30 to use the bathroom (thankfully just the one time a night as I'm limiting my water intake in the evenings) but then I'm up till at least 5:30 or 6:00 waiting for him to calm down so I can fall back asleep. We're in for it with this child, I can tell. I swear to you that my labor will start with my water breaking first this time again because he's going to kick or punch so hard one of these times that he's going to rupture the membranes! HA!

Anyway, after the appointment I'm at the same stats as last week, 1 cm and 50% effaced. I feel like he's lower then last week but he's still floating above my pelvis so birth looks to be several weeks away still; which is more then fine with me! I'm choosing my birthing day as May 27th. My doula with Aydia is due right after me and she's choosing the same day. We're both doing HypnoBirth and she is actually a Hypnobirth instructor now and a trained Hypno-therapist. She has made a CD for herself centering around the 27th as her birthing day and is burning me a copy and I should get that early next week to listen to. I'll be 39 weeks and 1 day on the 27th and I've just felt that date resonating with me this whole pregnancy. It will at least be the day my birth process begins, that I honestly feel and believe, part of me thinks he might actually be born early on the 28th though, just like his big sister. Either way, I'm looking forward to birthing my little guy and experiencing birth again. It was such an amazing and empowering experience with Aydia and I'm honestly excited about it. Trust your body, trust your baby, trust birth. :-)

Well hello there!

2011-05-05T14:47:00.007-05:00

Well aren't I just the horrible blogger?!? Over 2 years later and I'm finally posting an update. First of all, Aydia is over 2 now! She's a very sweet girl who loves to talk! Every day it seems like her vocabulary just expands times 10! She is able to tell us most of the time what she wants. Oh, and she's pretty much potty trained! Not at nap or overnights but she tells us when she has to go potty during the day so we're done with day time diapers. I don't quite trust her when we're out and about yet so I do put her in a diaper on outings but she'll normally tell me then as well and that diaper stays dry most of the time.

Here is a picture of our big girl!

The other big news is that Aydia is going to be a big sister! In like 3-4 weeks! Told you I was really behind in updating! I'm 36 weeks pregnant today with a little boy. We have a name picked out but for now we've been calling him Baby Twinkle, which was a name Aydia came up with. We asked her at about 6 weeks into the pregnancy what we should call the baby and she said Twinkle so we went with it. Because of that his theme is all stars, from his bedding to his decorations.

This pregnancy has been MUCH different from Aydia's. With her I had it very easy, hardly any morning sickness and I was comfortable for most of the pregnancy and I had no complications. This time around I was sooo sick. I actually ended up on a prescription to help keep me from throwing up and to keep the nausea at bay. I did loose 15 lbs because of the whole morning sickness part, and actually I haven't even gained it all back. I'm currently still 2.5 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight. With Aydia I ended up gaining 22 lbs over my starting weight and I experienced a 5lb weight loss immediately after birth with her, so I'll be in a good place for weight once this baby comes I think. Ironically I've also been diagnosed with gestational diabetes this time which I didn't have with Aydia. However I'm under the impression, as well as my midwife and the OB I recently saw, that I likely had a false positive. My numbers are well under control and he's measuring right on track. However since I have the Dx I have to follow certain protocol that I didn't with Aydia just to double check on him. That has led to an interesting change in events for us.

I started out this pregnancy going to Generations clinic. Unfortunately Stephanie, my midwife with Aydia, had moved to Hudson Physicians and we just felt like it was too far of a drive to risk once I hit labor. Generations has a FANTASTIC c-section rate and they deliver at St. Joes which also is the best hospital in the twin cities for natural birth and I could do a water birth there. Sadly I never really clicked with any of the midwives at Generations. I didn't feel that same connection with any of them that I had with Stephanie. Also, at my 34 week appointment the midwife I saw that day told me that I wouldn't be "allowed" to go past my due date. Wait a minute, hold the phone. Now I may have the label of gestational diabetes but I'm showing absolutely no signs of it. I measured 33.5 weeks at that appointment so technically small, and no ultrasound had been done to determine what size he was in. There was NO medical reason at that point that induction should have already been brought up. Now I don't think that I'll make it to my EDD this time around but at the same time I didn't want an induction threat hanging over my head. Being a birth doula I do feel like I'm much more educated then the average woman on birth and I refuse to be induced for no sound medical reason. I left that appointment feeling tense and not trusting the group anymore.

Brandon and I had a long discussion that night about what to do. We discussed doing a home birth, something that honestly would be my first choice and if insurance would cover it we would be doing for this pregnancy. But we just can't afford to be spending that much money when insurance will pay for all but $500 of my whole pregnancy and birth in a hospital. I even brought up doing unassisted childbirth briefly but neither of us were completely comfortable with that idea. This whole pregnancy I kept telling him how much I missed Stephanie and that I felt like this wouldn't be happening if I had been seeing her. So after our conversation I decided to give her a call. I spoke with her and she was kind of shocked that they were already talking induction as well. She told me that she would be "thrilled to catch my baby!" So we made the switch to Hudson Physicians.

Our drive is going to be a bit longer, and now I'll be birthing our little boy in WI instead of MN but I feel sooo much more confident in everything now. I've had 2 appointments with her already. The first one at 35 weeks where we just chatted for 45 minutes about how this whole pregnancy has been going and a quick measurement of my belly and a heartbeat check. Then I saw her last night as well for my 36 week appointment which also included doing an ultrasound to check his growth (because of the GD) and a Non-Stress Test (NST) to check to see if the placenta is functioning correctly. Everything was PERFECT. He's measuring at 36w4d, which is right within normal but he has 38w5d legs! Long baby I'm growing! His estimated weight (which can be off by 2lbs either way) was 6lbs 6 oz which puts him right on track with Aydia's birth weight of 8lbs 9oz since they gain about 1/2lb a week from this point on. I also had my GBS test performed, which I'm assuming I'll find out the results next week, and a quick cervical check. I'm already 1 cm and 50% effaced! I'm doubting he'll wait till his due date of June 2nd to come out.

I'm excited to deliver at Hudson hospital, it's absolutely gorgeous since it's only 7 years old. It's small, but they have a low c-section rate of about 15%, which compared to the national average is wonderful. The World Health Organization says anything above 15% is unacceptable. Better then the hospital closest to us which is sitting at 27%! But they also don't have any midwives that deliver there so that hospital isn't even an option for us. (I don't trust hospitals that don't trust birth and allow midwives.) I'll be doing a water birth this time around assuming we make it in time as well. Their water birth tub is gorgeous! This time it's in my notes to fill up the water birth tub while we're on the way so we are able to make it. If you read Aydia's birth story below you'll see that there wasn't enough time for them to fill it up for me as they didn't realize how fast I was going to go.

I'm using a doula again, a wonderful friend of mine who I did my doula training with and we'll also be using the same birth photographer as we had for Aydia's birth. I'll also be doing HypnoBirthing/HypnoBabies combination this time around like with Aydia. And this time my midwife Stephanie WILL be the one to be at my birth!!! I'm beyond excited about this as I love her so much as my provider. The only day she won't be around will be May 14th for her son's college graduation so no labor on that day please! We have quite the plan in place for when I go into labor since Aydia's was fairly quick and I feel confident that I'll make it to the hospital in time. And if by chance I give birth on the way there I'm okay with that as well! I trust my body, my baby and birth! I'm getting so excited for our birthing day now.

Pictures of our little man:

And my belly pictures thus far, weeks 4-36:

Birth Story

2009-03-07T17:06:00.002-06:00

The Birth Story of Aydia Rae King
As written by her mother, Shana Marie King
Born 2/28/2009, 1:24 AM, 8lbs 9.4 oz, 21 inches long, 14.5 inch head circumference.

On February 27th Brandon and I were both excited for several reasons. First it was Brandon’s birthday and second it was Aydia’s due date! I had no indication that labor was close as at my appointment just two days before I was almost 2 cm dilated, 75% effaced and Aydia was still at -1 station in my pelvis. I didn’t feel like I had a full waddle even. However we were anxious to meet our little girl so I decided to do a partial dose of castor oil to see if it would bring on any contractions. I did 3 tablespoons instead of 4 over the course of 3 hours from noon till 3:00. It was disgusting! I threw up once but that seemed to be all that happened. I drank a lot of water to in order to make sure I was staying hydrated. Once Brandon got home from work we decided to go celebrate his birthday by going to Angelo’s pizza. Nothing was happening so I gave up on the idea that the castor oil was going to do anything for me. My parents happened to call right after we decided to go out to dinner and we invited them along with us.

After dinner we all came back to our apartment to play cards and got back here around 6:30. I still wasn’t having any contractions but I did have to use the bathroom several times. We played cards until about 9:00 when my parents decided to leave. Once they left Brandon settled down on the couch and I sat down with the laptop to check out some stuff online. About fifteen minutes later I went to use the bathroom and felt a slight pop near the top of my uterus but no gush of water or anything. I thought it was odd and didn’t mention anything to Brandon yet. I sat back down at the laptop and felt a contraction. 3-4 minutes later I felt another. I decided to go use the bathroom again in case it was just stomach cramps. I sat down and had a slight tiny gush of water come out. I came out and said something to Brandon that I thought something was going on. I started timing contractions and they were lasting for a minute just over 3 minutes apart. Ten minutes later I used the bathroom again and experienced the same little gush. At this point the contractions were getting stronger but still 3 minutes apart and I was having to kind of bend over to get through them. We called the midwife group at this point, it was just about after 9:30 PM.

The midwife on call, Carrie Frantzich, was hesitant to bring me in since we had just started the contractions but since I felt my water had broken she decided she wanted to get me checked out. We called our Doula at this point and apologized since we had only been having contractions for ½ hour but that we felt it was already time to head to the hospital. Megan agreed to meet us at Woodwinds and we also gave our birth photographer Melissa a call to give her the heads up. We arrived at Woodwinds right around 10:30. At this point the contractions were coming about 2 minutes apart and I was using my HypnoBirthing breathing to get through them. The nurse checked me at 11:00 PM and I was still only 2 cm and Aydia was still at -1; however I was 100% effaced. Because of those numbers we figured we were in for a long night. Megan suggested we go for a walk at this point which I first agreed to. I asked that a bath get ready for me though and they started running water in the tub. A few minutes later I was feeling quite a bit more through the surges and decided I couldn’t do the walk and requested to just get in the bathtub. Both Carrie and Megan didn’t think it was a good idea as I wasn’t dilated that much and a bath could slow labor. However I was pretty insistent and ended up getting in.

I was able to focus through those contractions and relied heavily on my breathing. Brandon and Megan took turns applying cold wash cloths to the back of my neck during this time. I’m not sure exactly how long I was in the tub for as I kind of went within myself at this point. After a while the contractions were getting really intense and I had to get out. They started coming on top of each other and I tried several positions to relax through them, the easiest being basically hanging off of Brandon or sitting on the toilet in a reclined position. The contractions were all in my lower stomach and I had Brandon lifting up on my stomach during the contractions. I started to lose focus at this point. I knew it had only been a short time since I was last checked and feared I still had many more hours to go. However it was becoming very painful and I was crying through them. I kept telling Brandon that I couldn’t do it anymore and that it hurt too much. He kept telling me that I was doing it and what a wonderful job I was doing. I started to feel a lot of pressure and the nurse decided that we should check me again even though it was only 1:00 AM and I was only 2 cm 2 hours ago.

Big surprise, I was complete already at 10 cm and Aydia was at +2 for station! I heard the surprise in her voice when she said that and she said I really brought that baby down! They asked if I wanted to get into the water birth tub at this point but I didn’t feel like I could walk down to that room plus I knew it was going to take at least 15-20 minutes to fill up. The only position at this point that somewhat helped was actually lying on my back in a semi-reclined position. Carrie came in about 10 minutes later and was surprised as well that I was ready to push. No one prompted me when or how to push but I definitely felt the urges to breathe her down. At this point it wasn’t so painful anymore and felt like a relief to push. Brandon was up near my head and kept reassuring me that I was doing a great job. I really focused in on getting Aydia out and then Carrie told me to reach down and feel Aydia’s head as she was crowning. Several pushes later and Carrie told me to reach down to grab my baby as her head was out and all I had to do was get those shoulders out. One more push and I pulled her up onto my chest and started crying immediately and so did she! She turned pink almost right away and looked absolutely perfect to me. It was 1:24 AM when she was born, just missing her Daddy’s birthday! The entire labor from when I first thought my water broke until she arrived was just under 4 and a half hours and I only pushed for about 20 minutes. I fell immediately in love with her and each day I love her more. I’m absolutely in love with being a mom.

Just some pictures!

2009-02-28T13:22:00.001-06:00

Announcing Aydia Rae King!

2009-02-28T11:10:00.001-06:00

Aydia Rae is here! Born 1 hour and 24 minutes after her due date!

I first started feeling contractions around 9:00pm; they immediately started coming about 3 minutes apart! We got to the hospital at 11pm, I was only 2cm but since the contractions were so close they kept me. At 1am they checked me again because I was saying I couldn't do it, the contractions were right on top of each other and I was feeling pressure. I was already complete! They asked if I wanted to move the waterbirth room at that point but honestly I was feeling so much pressure that I couldn't do it. Plus it would have taken 15 minutes to fill it up. Good thing I decided no because Aydia arrived at 1:24am weighing 8lbs 9 oz and 20 inches long! I had minor tears and just had a few stitches.

We're very much in love with her even though she has a colossal set of lungs already!!! I will get pictures up later once we have the cord for the camera. The cell phone just doesn't do this beautiful little girl justice!

Almost 40 weeks; 2 more days till the due date!

2009-02-25T13:11:00.003-06:00

Wow, am I suddenly ever ready to be done! Yesterday was the first day where I didn't feel like I was in love with being pregnant. Up until then I've really enjoyed every day of this pregnancy (with the exception of the morning sickness) and have been blessed. Yesterday all day I had some pretty awful back pain and in the evening it decided to move into my upper thighs. Sitting on the exercise ball helped some but not a lot. I went to bed fairly early (9:30) and woke up at 12:30. My hips were killing me! I got out of bed at 1:00 and used the exercise ball for a good 1/2 hour to try to stretch out those muscles, went back to bed...no go. Tossed and turned until 3:30 when I ended up taking a really long bath until 4:30. That helped a bit but I still didn't sleep from the pain in my hips, which sometimes decided to radiate into my thighs and back. Finally at about 6:00 when Brandon left for work I fell back asleep, only to wake again at 9:30 to get ready for my 40 week midwife appointment.

The appointment went well. Baby's heart rate is in the 130s still, like normal. She's still at -1 for station and I'm still 75% effaced. I dilated just a bit more, but not a lot. Stephanie (midwife) said that I'm almost at 2cm but not quite. She did say my cervix feels softer so that's a good sign too. She also mentioned that she doesn't expect me to make my next appointment but that she has been surprised before. Baby has to drop some more which will make me dilate and efface more and hopefully bring on some productive contractions. She did another sweep of my membranes as well so hopefully that will help do something. Since the appointment I've feel a little more pressure in my hips and my back has decided it wants to ache again so I'm taking that as good signs...even though it's uncomfortable!

And a shout out for my Mom who had today guessed as the birth day...she sent me an email this morning that really made me chuckle; let's hope it's right!

Subject: today's the day!!

"Shana's horoscope:
You are able to mobilize your energy and accomplish a lion's share of work. Understand what you have to offer and what you are capable of. PUSH COMES TO SHOVE!!
Tonight: Hang out.

Brandon's horoscope:
You are all smiles. It might be amazing to see how you could transform a situation through your attitude and reframing the problem. Open doors and greet options.
Tonight: All smiles.

Horoscopes are always right!!"

39 weeks and some progress!

2009-02-18T12:45:00.002-06:00

Well things are starting to happen! Not a lot of change in how dilated I am. I went from 1cm funneled to a finger tip to a full 1cm all the way through now. Last week I was 30% effaced and now I'm at 75% so that's exciting! And the baby dropped a bit more! She is now at a -1 for station so almost fully engaged!

Because I was a full 1 cm my midwife was also able to get in to sweep my membranes. Not exactly a comfortable procedure, but I didn't find it as bad as I've heard. Basically what this means is that she is able to get a finger through and run it between the baby's bag of water (and her head since she's almost fully engaged) and my cervix, kind of like breaking a seal. It can do nothing, or it can help me dilate/efface more and encourage her to drop or it could even trigger labor in the next 24-48 hours. We're of course hoping for that last option to happen!

If you're confused on the terms here is some help:

Station: How far the baby is "down" in the pelvis, measured by the relationship of the fetal head to the ischial spines (sit bones). Measured in negative and positive numbers. -3 is a floating baby, 0 station is said to be engaged in the pelvis, and +3 is crowning.

Effacement: This is how thin your cervix is. If you think of your cervix as funnel-like, and measuring about 2 inches, you will see that 50% effaced means that your cervix is now about 1 inch in length. As the cervix softens and dilates the length decreases as well.

Dilation: How far your cervix has opened. It starts at 0 through the pregnancy and toward the end starts to open. 10 centimeters being the widest.

Other comments: I gave my midwife a copy of our birth preferences (some call it a birth plan) this week. She commented that it was very well put together and that it was a great plan. She also said that with our preferences we are going to have a beautiful birth! That's what we're hoping for! I also called our doula right after the appointment to give her the updates and she said to walk walk walk tonight and try to get a good romantic evening in with Brandon (wink wink). Both can help bring on labor, so who am I to argue! She mentioned that her water broke the morning after her membranes were swept, so hopefully we end up with a similar experience!

My midwife is on call Thursday through Friday morning and again on Tuesday during the day this week...so again, we're hoping that if labor happens that she comes during those times! Of course we'll take her at any point though.

38 weeks

2009-02-11T12:52:00.003-06:00

Not a lot of change going on. I had my appointment today and now I'm JUST over a cm dilated and then funneled to a finger tip still. A little more effaced but the baby still has room to drop down still. So I'm supposed to keep up the walking (been doing that a lot lately!) and hopefully she'll be making her entrance sooner rather than later. Her heart rate was in the 140s and she's still in the right position. Measuring on track as well. Next week if I'm a bit more dilated she said she'll sweep my membranes if I want! That could possibly jump start labor for us.

I just have to take a minute to say how much I absolutely LOVE my midwife as well. I really really really am hoping that when we go into labor she'll be the midwife on call. There isn't a big chance of that happening but she's WONDERFUL and really knows me as a patient! She's on call tomorrow 6am-6pm, Sat 6pm-Sun 6am, and again next Tuesday 6am-6pm. So if you're sending labor vibes my way send them for those specific times!

37 Week Midwife appointment

2009-02-04T13:57:00.004-06:00

I just got back from my 37 week appointment (I'll be 37 weeks on Friday) and things are looking great! I have to be 37 weeks to have a water birth, so we'll be making that for sure. I'm 1 cm dilated at the opening of my cervix and just about a fingertip near the top and she's dropping but not yet fully engaged. She didn't mention how effaced I was today but did say I was pretty soft so I know that's a good sign too! Her heart rate was in the 150s today since she was moving around when the midwife was using the doppler and I had the fun GBS test done today as well. I'll get the results of that back next week, if I am group B positive that means I have to have an antibiotic via IV every 4 hours once I'm in active labor.

I'm measuring right on track now instead of ahead, 36.5 weeks but I still look small! I've had a lot of women ask me how far along I am and when I tell them they don't believe me! lol, even my midwife said today, "wow, your baby is all stretched out in there, she's not squished at all since you have such a long torso." I am getting tired though, hips are aching a bit more and I can't seem to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time! We have our newborn class on Monday and then she's MORE than welcome to come out! We have everything ready and bought now and my bag is packed. I'm going to make cookies and freeze them to bring them to the nurses and other than that I've got nothing else to do to really prepare for her! I'm super excited and anxious yet nervous at the same time.

Doula Workshop

2009-01-31T11:57:00.003-06:00

I just had the BEST two days ever! I had my doula workshop/training on 1/29 and 1/30 and I wish it would have been longer. I learned so much more about the birth process and natural birth than I could even imagine. The fact that only 8% of women want a natural birth blows my mind. Found out how lucky I am to live in MN as 1:35 births are attended by a doula vs. the US average of 1:650 and that MN is rated #2 for births. It's also illegal in MN for a hospital to tell a mother that she cannot have a doula while other states it's perfectly legal for that to occur. Okay, just some random birth facts now that I figured some of you might find interesting:

1:3 birthing women end up with a c-section, your chance of having a c-section is over 60% lower by having a doula.

Before birth it's normally the mother who is very gun-ho about having the doula present while the Dad might be feeling a little hesitant as he fears he might be "replaced" during the labor and birth. After birth the Dads are quite often the doula's biggest fans and can't stop recommending a doula to other expectant couples.

By just NOT peeing every hour in labor you increase your chance of a c-section because of "failure to progress". Emptying your bladder allows several things to happen. 1: you are getting up and gravity is helping move that baby down, and 2: the bladder could be too full and not allowing the baby to move past a certain point, emptying it gives that baby more room.

A mother's emotion's are about 20 minutes ahead of where the cervix is. If a mother is acting like she's in transition and were to get checked right then she might be told she's only 4 cm. Immediately her thoughts would be, "if this is what 4cm feels like how am I going to handle 7 or 8?" Wait 20 minutes to get her checked and her body is further along and her emotions could be calming down as her body is starting to move out of transition stage.

When endorphins are released it's 100X more powerful than any drug they can give you. You can tell when they are released because that's when the mom suddenly gets really tired and just wants to stop. That tiredness is your body putting you into a more relaxed state.

Right before the baby is born Oxytocin is released, that hormone is not only important for the mother for bonding but it also goes into the baby and helps that baby fall in love with their parents. With drugs your body won't release as much oxytocin.

The greater the interventions during birth, the greater the postpartum depression.

All the serial killers have had something in common: mothers with severe postpartum depression, so postpartum support is VERY important!

Did you know that the flight vs. flight study that was done only on men? Women actually don't get that same response in reaction to high stress. Women's body automatically go into a "Tend and Befriend" mode. They immediately gather their loved ones and support people (tend) and after the event they want to talk about it a lot. How this relates to labor: Women want other women at their births, whether thats a doula, a nurse, a female midwife or a female doctor, sister, friend, mother is dependent on her individual needs. Just having another woman present in the room reduces the chance of a c-section as something in our brain makes us feel safer. After labor and delivery that mother will want to talk about her birth for days and day after to anyone who will listen, other women will share back their stories.

Women with Alzheimer's might not be able to tell you what they had for breakfast but the majority of them will be able to tell you about their labors and births. It imprints our lives that much.

If you ask an articulate child before the age of 3 what their birth was like they will be able to describe it to you. There have been children who have gone into the delivery room to visit their mother in labor with a younger sibling and they will rearrange everything in the room to be exactly how it was when they were born, including telling daddy and the nurses where to stand. That just blows my mind.

Accord to an OB in one of the videos we watched, 95% of births would be better off and safer to do in a home vs. at a hospital because of the interventions that can happen in a hospital and lead to bigger risks. A labor and delivery nurse in the same video said that often a home is a cleaner and more safe environment to birth in than the hospital.

Countries where midwife attended home births is higher than hospital births have a LOWER infant and maternal mortality rate than we do here in the United States where over 98% of our births are done in the hospitals.

Oh I have so much more but I don't want to bore you all with them. This workshop really re-enforced my decision to have a natural birth. Do you know that some of the drugs they give during birth to "take the edge off" can remain in the baby's system for up to 6 weeks and can have MAJOR effects on breast feeding and their development? We all focus so much during pregnancy about what to avoid putting in our bodies for fear of how it will effect our babies but then during labor we all throw that out the windows...what's the point?

I think I've really found my passion in life now. Even if their choices for their labor isn't what I would choose. I'll be basing my business philosphy around the quote: "Freedom of choice based on knowledge of alternatives." Eventually I would like to get certified as a childbirth educator and a postpartum doula and possibly even a lactation consultant. I'm so excited about becoming a birth doula!

36 weeks!

2009-01-28T22:10:00.003-06:00

I had my 36 week midwife appointment today. I get to do the fun GBS test (google it if you don't know...) next week since I have to be at 36 exactly or past in order to do that. I'll be 36 weeks on Friday. I was all prepared to have it done today! Oh well! lol. Baby is dropping, but still fairly high. My cervix is starting to thin and I'm about 1 cm dilated already! Her heart rate was 144 and she's of course still head down. I'm really staring to get excited! I'm hoping she'll come early, but trying to not get my hopes up to high on that!

I've had a busy day. After my appointment I met up with an old friend who had a contour changing pad, a tummy time mat, a bouncy seat and a screened in bassinet type thing. I met with a photographer and it went really well, she's really excited to be able to capture our birth on film and I'm really excited as well! She's just starting to do birth photography and she's actually doing our labor and birth pro-bono for her portfolio and website. I also plan on putting her down as a referral on my website once I get my Doula stuff started. Later my Dad came over after he was done with work and we got the mirror on the dresser really secured to the back and hung all the decorations and now the nursery is finally looking complete instead of just a storage room for baby stuff. I took a few pictures!

Tomorrow and Friday I have my doula workshop from 8am-6pm! It will be a long couple of days but I'm super excited about it!

The stickers say: Dream; Fly with the angels; and dance with the stars.

Ha! And you thought I was going to cave and share the name! Nope! But that's what's behind the photoshopped smudge!

Trip to labor and delivery!

2009-01-25T18:55:00.004-06:00

I've been so busy this month that I forgot to update everyone on the little adventure we had the other day!

I ended up in L&D on Tuesday January 13th. I felt off most of the day with sharp pains into my cervix and then eventually in my lower abdomen. The midwife on call wanted me to come in to be checked for an UTI and monitoring to be safe. Turns out I was having contractions but not feeling them. After being monitored for about 2 hours they started subsiding but then the little girl's heart rate was erratic. So I got an IV for fluids in the hopes that would stabilize both of us. They also sent us for an ultrasound to check on her and she passed with flying colors. Her heart rate ended up stabilizing but then my contractions were erratic again. They gave me a shot of Terbutaline to stop them and monitored me for another hour or so. Seemed to have worked. They sent me home with something to take to counteract the jitteriness I got from the shot and said it should help me sleep. Otherwise no restrictions thank goodness!

With the ultrasound we were able to see that she has hair already! And the tech said there was no mistaking it that we were having a girl. She said it was MORE than safe to take the tags off the clothes and wash them!

I did have a midwife appointment the next morning and baby hadn't dropped at all and I wasn't not dilated either which is good news that she likely won't come too early. Just kind of one of those weird things that happens. My midwife also commented that she doesn't feel like a big baby, but she does feel long. At that appointment she had a heart rate in the 150s, she was very active that day.

I have my 36 week midwife appointment this Wednesday and I'll be going every week from now on! Pretty exciting! We have one more class as well, which is a newborn preparation class on 2/9. I will be 37 weeks on 2/6 which means that she can come at any point after that and she will no longer be considered a premature baby. Because of the class on 2/9 we're hoping she'll hold out till 2/10. But let me tell you, the minute that class is over on the 9th we'll be trying every little old wives tale in the book to get her out! We're getting so excited to meet her and to be able to share her name with everyone!

In other non-baby related news, I'm now 28! My birthday was the 19th, we went out to eat over the weekend and on my actual birthday I didn't do anything honestly to celebrate it. I have my doula workshop this Thursday and Friday and I'm SUPER excited for that. Brandon also is starting in a first shift position on Monday!!! I'm so happy about that, even though it means I have to give up the bed which I've blissfully had to myself for the past 3 years! It will be so nice to have him home in the evenings and when the baby is here I think he'll really enjoy that as well because he'll feel like he'll have more time for her. And something else...oh yeah, TOMORROW IS OUR 1ST ANNIVERSARY!!! We're going out to eat at Water Street Inn in Stillwater to celebrate. We're exchanging cards but that's it with the budget we're on, but I'm so excited to have been married to this man for one year now tomorrow. :-)

Baby Showers and Painting

2009-01-12T02:00:00.005-06:00

Well now that I've had my second (and last) baby shower figured I should let you all know how they went!

Shower number one went okay. I was honestly pretty worried about it going in and probably shouldn't have agreed to the date in the first place. Every year my parents invite my Dad's side of the family up to their house to celebrate New Year's Day. Normally quite a few of the aunts/uncles come and some of the cousins. Well it was brought up that since we were all going to be there anyway that we should have my shower that day as well. I agreed as it seemed convenient for everyone...on the condition that the shower was made a separate event and not just thrown upon my mother and honestly I wanted the attention since it took us so long and I wanted a specific baby shower! My aunts agreed and promised that it would be a separate event, things would be planned, and invites would go out in advance with a specific time for the shower.

Fast forward to the WEEK before and we find out that invites have NOT gone out until that day, meaning another day or two before they would get the invites. That means that a ton of my cousins who would have made an effort to make it to a baby shower for me but don't always come to my parents for NYD weren't going to be able to make it. For all my other cousins invites are always out at the minimum of 2 weeks before the shower and honestly I felt neglected and cheated out of a real baby shower. We weren't sure if anything special was going to be done at all or if it was just going to be "look, here are baby presents, now we're moving on".

So my Mom asked one of my aunts 2 days before if anyone was planning anything specific or bringing a baby cake or anything like that. The response was, "oh, I don't know, but I suppose I can pick up a cake!" I was dreading the worst at this point. The day of everyone shows up around 1:00 (the invites said 12:30) and things were fairly disorganized. Luckily the aunt who brought the cake also brought some cute decorations and we hung them up to make it look somewhat like a baby shower. Then we opened baby gifts and I was amazed at the generosity that was given toward us and I'm very thankful for that! They had everyone put their name/address on envelopes (saves time for those thank yous!) and I drew some out of a hat and they won a "prize". Then...that was it. It didn't go as bad as I feared, but I did still feel kind of cheated. Not to mention that I felt bad that several people who normally would have come weren't able to make it. I don't mean to sound ungrateful as obviously we received some wonderful gifts and I'm very thankful to those who came, but I just wish it would have been more "baby showerish."

Anyway...I had shower number 2 today. This one was thrown by my mother's side of the family by my aunts Kay and Barb. The invites for this shower were out about 3.5 weeks before so plenty of advance notice there! They arranged a diaper raffle...anyone who brought a package of diapers got put into a drawing for a grand-prize. The food was wonderful (and plentiful!) and the cake was adorable. It was a "duck pond" complete with blue frosting and little rubber ducks. Each of the ducks had a number under it and I got to pick one of them to find out who won the diaper raffle...of course my mom won! We played several games, the traditional dice game (always fun!) and the guess the size of Shana's belly game! Haha! String was passed around and everyone cut off a piece that they thought would equal the distance around my stomach. Almost everyone OVER guessed by several inches! My friend Tricia however came in at 1/4 of an inch! We opened gifts and again I'm amazed at the generosity. Our little girl is NOT going to be short of adorable outfits for sure, especially pink ones! The shower was a lot of fun and I'm so glad it went well!

So since getting all the gifts we've been organizing the nursery a bit more. We painted back on January 3rd and it looks adorable! We actually painted the room kind of an aqua blue because everything else is pink and we didn't want to go to overboard with the pink. My Dad and Brandon did most of the painting, my mom helped paint around the edges a bit. I kept getting kicked out, they were worried about me being around the paint fumes too much. It turned out so cute and we still have to hang stuff up (waiting to get a mirror attached back to the dresser and waiting on our glider/ottoman set before hanging stuff.) Things are getting organized otherwise!

We're pretty much set as far as stuff but still need some basics, like some baby care items, bottle nipples, diaper changing contour pad, a boppy, breast milk storage system and some other small things. On another exciting note, I've been jonesing after a specific baby swing since BEFORE I got pregnant. It's the Graco Sweetpeace Newborn Soothing Center. Well it's around $180 at Target and Babies R US, you can get it through Walmart for slightly cheaper, but still expensive. Several online baby stores sell it cheaper and I've been watching their prices. This weekend one of them put it up for $99.00! I googled coupon codes for their site and also found a $10 off coupon so I ordered it for $89.00! With the shipping it's only costing us $102.81...take that Target and Babies R US! I'm so completely excited about this swing! Now watch...she won't even like it! lol. If she just sleeps in it I'll be happy!

Alright, this has been a LONG post...I'll end it with some pictures of the nursery and from shower #2. I forgot the camera at home for shower #1.

33 week ultrasound

2009-01-08T14:00:00.005-06:00

Well...it looks like I'm going to have a rather large baby!

I'll be 33 weeks tomorrow and she's already measuring 35 weeks and about 5 lbs 7 oz. I believe the average weight for babies at 33 weeks gestation is 4.23lbs...I'm growing a monster! The tech didn't give me an estimated length since she said she was so squished in there that it was hard to get that at this point, but did mention that she had really long legs. Everything about her was measuring 35 weeks, her head circumference, leg length (actually 36 weeks there), abdomen, and arms. Brandon is of course holding out that this means she's going to arrive early, which who knows, but I'm trying to not get my hopes up! Her heart rate was 132, so it's starting to comedown a bit, which is normal at this point, plus she was sleeping at that point and their heartrates are higher when they are awake.

She was pretty sleepy the whole ultrasound and like all the others kept her hand up over her face so it was hard to get some decent shots. I have two to share though, she has some chubby cheeks already!

The solid circle above her nose there is her hand on her forehead. I bet she'll sleep like that after birth! And she definitely has Brandon's nose, mine is MUCH bigger, Brandon's is nice and small and round like hers. (yay for that!)

Belly Pictures!

2009-01-03T22:48:00.005-06:00

Just a quick post, I'll have to update on the shower and the painting later. I just wanted to show off these pictures!

32 Week Appointment and other thoughts

2008-12-31T13:53:00.004-06:00

Well I'm just coming back from my 32 week appointment. This one was with a different midwife than I normally see...I like my regular one better. My midwife was on call for the hospital today since she's the newest member of the team and gets stuck with the New Years Eve shift! This midwife was nice, and very gentle, but just not as personable. It's interesting to see too that when this midwife measured me she said I was measuring 32 weeks exactly, where the other midwife almost always has me 2 weeks ahead when she does measurements. Interesting...we'll see at 34 weeks when I go back to my regular midwife where I'm at.

Baby is good, heart rate at 136 and accelerated nicely when she moves...which she was doing a lot. I mentioned that baby gets the hiccups at least 1 to 3 times a day and she said that was good, means she'll be a good nurser! Hopefully! I have another ultrasound for next week, I still have to call and make that appointment. Cervix still long and closed but starting to soften, which is good at this point!

In other news, first, go to http://www.expectnet.com/ and play our baby game! The game name is babygirlking.

Also, I'm registered for doula classes! I'm super excited and I'll be taking the doula workshop January 29th and 30th. I'm hoping to be certified by late May, early June at the latest. This will allow me to stay at home but also bring in an income! Best of both worlds.

Tonight my cousin Sarah (who is pregnant with twin boys) and her two kids are coming to spend the evening (her hubby has to work :-( ) and tomorrow we're heading up to my parents for the annual New Years Day party. They are also combing that with my first baby shower...we'll see how that goes. I know invites for the shower part didn't get out until middle of last week so I'm afraid a lot of people that would have made an effort to come to the shower that don't normally come to the New Years Day celebration won't be able to make it. I'll update on how that goes either Thursday night or Friday! And Saturday my parents are coming to help paint the nursery! It's an exciting and busy week!

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and Happy New Years!!!!

Mixed Feelings

2008-12-17T18:42:00.001-06:00

Before I get into the bulk of this blog: Appointment update-- all looks well. Still measuring 2 weeks ahead (32 instead of 30), heart rate still perfect, still head down, total weight gain at 6 pounds (I was praised for that today!) and I don't have to take the GD test again. (Thank God!!!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is a day of mixed feelings. On one hand I'm so completely overjoyed about the fact that I had my 30 (omg!) week appointment this morning. On the other hand today is the 1 year anniversary of our miscarriage.

I'm still very saddened by this loss and wonder daily about what that baby would have looked like, sounded like, what his/her personality would have been and what they would be like growing up. I cry sometimes thinking about the day when I'll be reunited with my little one in heaven and finally get to hold them in my arms, along with the little one I lost due to an ectopic pregnancy last January.

It seems strange, and even Brandon can't grasp it, that after only being pregnant for 5 weeks that it can be that devastating. It's hard to explain to people who haven't experienced a loss, and even the husband's seem to have a hard time grasping how devastating it really is. I've been very blessed to have a close group of women on a Pregnancy after Miscarriage and another one for Pregnancy after Infertility forum...sadly a lot of the members participate on both boards. Without those ladies I don't know how I would have made it through the first few weeks of this pregnancy without breaking down every day...I did a few times those first few weeks!

At the same time like I said I'm so excited to meet our daughter in two months that it's hard to be sad and if that little angel had decided to stick around I wouldn't be getting to know the little one growing inside me now. When I look at my stomach and see and feel her moving around I get tears in my eyes quite often knowing how much this little girl is going to be loved and how wanted she is. I can't wait to hold her in my arms and kiss her little nose and stroke her cheeks. I can't wait to see her daddy holding her for the first time and telling her how much he loves her. I have so many dreams and visions for her and there will be so many experiences with her that I wouldn't have if it were not for our miscarriage 1 year ago.

I have tears in my eyes as I write this, both tears of sadness and tears of happiness. In just about 2 months I'll be holding my little girl in my arms and I'll be saying a prayer for my other two I lost, asking them to watch over their younger sister as she treads her way through this world.

I re-read the poems I posted back in March today and the first one had me crying my eyes out.
http://life-as-a-king.blogspot.com/2008/03/infertility-miscarriages-and-ectopic.html

28 Week appointment update

2008-12-08T00:35:00.000-06:00

Well I had my 28 week appointment on Wednesday December 3rd (yeah, I'm a few days late typing this up!). Things are looking good, her heartbeat is nice and solid in the mid-130 to low 140s, results from my ultrasound show that my cervix is holding up as well so no worries there. I'm also actually measuring 2 weeks ahead still. So even though I'm only 28 weeks my uterus is measuring 30 weeks! And as far as weight gain I'm only up 4 lbs so far! At this point all my appointments are now scheduled starting at 30 weeks until the week of my due date! I go every other week starting at 30 until 36 weeks and then once a week until 40 weeks. This pregnancy is just FLYING by!

I also had a screen for gestational diabetes on Wednesday, also referred to as the 1 hour GD test. Basically I drink a orange drink that tastes kind of like orange pop except that it has 50mg of glucose in it. An hour later they test my blood and it's supposed to be 140 or lower for blood sugar, otherwise they make you take the dreaded 3 hour test. It's not that bad of a test except it did make me lightheaded at the end because of the high concentration of sugar. Well I came in at 162 so I was forced to do the 3 hour GD test on Thursday morning.

Luckily my mom came with as to be my driver and to help keep me entertained for those 3 hours. Brandon had to sleep since we had our HypnoBirthing class that night. With this test they take your blood 4 times at specific times after drinking a 100mg glucose drink. First can I just say how much it SUCKED to get your blood drawn 4 times in 3 hours! My poor arms, bruises on the inside of both of them now.

Second, here are my results, I technically passed.

This is what they want to see:
Fasting: 85 or less
1 hour: 180 or less
2 hour: 155 or less
3 hour: 140 or less

My results:
Fasting: 72
1 hour: 173
2 hour: 188 (only one I failed...but by a lot!)
3 hour: 113

Since I failed one of the 4 it's possible they might have me retake the test in a few weeks, I'm not sure. The lab tech wasn't sure what they normally do in that case. You don't actually fail the test unless you fail 2 of the 4. I was so nervous waiting for that last blood draw. I was so happy to hear that last number come in! This means (for now) that I can still eat Christmas cookies this holiday season as I don't have gestational diabetes! I'm just praying they don't make me take the test again!

In other news, Brandon and I were slightly concerned about our daughter the other day. Last Saturday we went to the Mall of America for a good 5 hours. When we came back I was exhausted so I laid down and didn't feel her moving at all for a good 45 minutes. I drank some Mountain Dew, laid on my left side and Brandon talked to her in attempts to get her to wake up and move. Nothing for an hour except 3 tiny little taps. You're supposed to do "kick counts" at this stage where you should feel 10 kicks in an hour.

We called labor and delivery and the midwife on call wasn't too concerned since I had been so active for a good period of time early. Plus the middle of the afternoon she's normally fairly quiet, but a little more active than she was that day. She said if I still wasn't feeling much in the evening, which is her normal active time, then I should call back and they would have me come back in for a check. She woke up later and made up for her inactivity on Saturday by being SUPER active all day Sunday.

Because of our concern, and just because we obsess over our daughter already, we decided to rent a doppler for the next 3 months (or less!) in order to have some peace of mind. A doppler is the machine they use at an OB or a Midwife's office to listen to the heartbeat. It's a pretty cool little device and we're having a lot of fun listening to her at least once a day. I think it keeps both of us sane and not paranoid.

I still can't believe I'm in the 3rd trimester and we're getting so much closer to birth. I've honestly loved being pregnant so far and I think I'm going to miss it a bit! Of course holding our little girl in my arms will be soooo much better! Our last HypnoBirthing class is this coming Thursday and we have a newborn basics class at the very beginning of February. Before we know it our daughter will be here!

Ultrasound #6

2008-11-26T12:45:00.001-06:00

She's definitely still a girl! No scrotum or penis in site! Heart rate was 136 BPM, so she's nixing that's old wives tale of girls always being higher than 140! She was VERY active the whole ultrasound and was sucking on her thumb for most of it. We got to watch her opening and closing her eyes and mouth and even saw her tounge come out at one point. She's also in the perfect birthing position already, head down with her back toward my stomach.

The tech was amazing. The tech didn't do any measurements on her since we were officially there to measure my cervix. She did measure fluid levels and all looks good there. She had measured my cervix within the first 5 minutes and then she spent a good 20 minutes just playing with the ultrasound and looking at our baby girl. My mom came with and was amazed at the details too, it was quite the experience for her!

And today also officially marks the beginning of the 3rd trimester! In the home stretch now!!!

25 Week Appointment Update

2008-11-15T18:59:00.000-06:00

Just had my midwife appointment on Wednesday. I was 24w5d and measuring 27 weeks! Baby was super active the night before the appointment and I thought for sure she was still head up because I only feel movement below my belly button. Nope, head down, she must just have super strong punches! She's also likely kicking towards my back with her feet which might be why I'm rarely feeling anything above the belly button. The midwife was impressed that we were seeing movement as well this early and said we must have a strong little girl in there. She was even more surprised when we searched for heartbeat and she felt around and we determined that it wasn't even the kicks I've been feeling but punches! Heart rate was sitting in the solid 140s and everything seems very healthy! I also finally hit my pre-pregnancy weight and I'm almost into the 3rd trimester. I should "expect" to gain about a pound a week from this point out.

We have another ultrasound scheduled for 2 weeks from today to check cervical length again (and recheck the gender!) and my Mom will be coming with for that one, possibly my Dad as well. Mom is soooo going to cry! She only had one ultrasound with my brother about 26 years ago so this will be quite the experience for her!

My next appointment is on December 3rd (to get me back on track to line up with the 28 week) and I get to do the fun gestational diabetes testing then. That involves drinking a pretty icky orange flavored drink and waiting for an hour before getting your blood drawn. It measures my insulin levels. Hopefully I pass, because if I fail then I have to do the 3 hour test which means drinking that same drink and then getting my blood drawn every hour for 3 hours! After that appointment though we're down to every two weeks already!

Brandon also has been seeing movement but this afternoon he got to see her when she was super active and he was amazed at the big kicks I've been getting. I think it's getting much more real for him. He also told me that for the next 3 months I should take advantage of having him do stuff for me since it's only going to happen twice in my life! LOL...I'm soooo taking him up on that and not forgetting that he said that!

HypnoBirthing

2008-11-07T04:05:00.000-06:00

Well I've had a few people ask me now, "What is HypnoBirthing?" so I figured I would put it all out here instead of writing it over and over again!

But before I do that, a quick update. I'm 24 weeks pregnant, which means that if our little girl decides to make her appearance super early she already has a 50% chance of survival! How amazing is that?!? Of course we're hoping that she decides to stick it out until at least week 37! I'm feeling great, lots of energy right now...2nd trimester for ya! I just finally hit my pre-pregnancy weight again this morning as well, so I'm doing great on the healthy aspect of things as well. We do have a name picked out, but we're keeping that part a surprise for now. She has been kicking like crazy. I've been able to see the kicks a few times from the outside. Brandon laid his head on my stomach the other day and got kicked pretty hard in the forehead as well. I'm loving feeling her move around inside me and I'm so thankful and excited and looking forward to meeting her in just about 3.5 months.

As for HypnoBirthing (copied this from an email I sent to someone):

Basically Hypnobirthing is almost like self-hypnosis for birth. It teaches you deep relaxation and breathing techniques for labor/delivery to avoid as many medical interventions/drugs as possible. The deeper breathing leads to more oxygen and endorphins in your body for a more pleasant experience. It doesn't promise a pain free-delivery or even an intervention-free delivery, but basically a less painful delivery and the more relaxed you are the less of a chance for interventions.

A couple of the benefits of hypnobirthing are:
~it eliminates the fear-tension-pain syndrome before, during and after birthing. Which is basically the pre-condition that we're taught that birth is supposed to be the most painful thing we'll ever experience, which isn't really true. Women have been doing it for centuries but it's only been the past 100 years or so pain has been associated with each birth instead of the occasional cases.
~It can shorten the first stage of labor by several hours because your muscles are more relaxed. The more afraid you are the more tense your muscles and the harder it is for your cervix to dilate.
~eliminates fatigue during labor so you have more energy for the actual birthing because you're more relaxed during the early stages.

I'm a strong believer in natural birth because getting pitocin to speed up labor causes your contractions to be more intense. More intense means more likely to get an epidural, which in turn can then slow down labor, which leads to more pitocin, higher epi dose, more pitocin again and eventually your contractions are so hard that it puts a lot of stress on the baby. That can lead to emergency c-sections if the doctor doesn't feel like your progressing fast enough or if the babies is in distress; which is about a 40% chance. Natural labor with no medical interventions, even if it's longer, has about a 5% chance of a c-section. Plus I plan to exclusively breast feed and babies with epidurals are a little more sluggish after birth and have a harder time latching and breast feeding.

It took Brandon and myself 3 years and 2 months to get pregnant with one miscarriage and one ectopic pregnancy. I've spent the majority of those 3 years researching not only infertility treatments but pregnancy so I feel very aware and informed about what's going on. I've looked at all the options and feel that, for me, that a natural labor/delivery is the only choice. It's not a choice for everyone, but after researching so much it's what I strongly believe in for myself and for the best birth and labor not only for me but for our daughter. We're also hoping to do a water birth to help make our babies entrance into this world as least traumatic as possible...to both of us!

Here are a few videos of hypnobirthing:4 minute news-story http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7kA3PMJwA8
Dateline did something on it too (great documentary!) 20 min total, part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llT30oHxz6gpart 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f05YQbnsUGA

In memory on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

2008-10-15T20:50:00.000-05:00

To my two dear angels,

It was a miracle that I was blessed to know you both, even though it was too short. I'll never forget you and you'll both have a special place in my heart that won't be filled by anyone else. I can't wait to meet you both in heaven and finally get the chance to hold you both in my arms.

Love, Your mother.

It's a girl!!!

2008-10-09T01:37:00.001-05:00

We had our BIG ultrasound this morning and we're expecting a little girl!!! We're both shocked, we thought for sure we were having a boy! Of course we're both over the top excited and we went right to Babies R US after the ultrasound and got two adorable outfits since they were on sale! We received several pictures from the ultrasound, she is adorable already...not to mention a drama queen! She had the back of her wrist on her forehead for quite a long part of the ultrasound in that dramatic pose; she's already saying, "OH DAD!" At one point she was trying to suck her thumb and we even got to watch her opening and closing her mouth as she was practicing swallowing the amniotic fluid. We have a list of about 4 names that we both equally like in our top 5, but again, we're not sharing the name! We want to keep that a surprise for everyone.

We heard the heartbeat!

2008-09-11T00:36:00.000-05:00

Baby is doing great! My uterus is actually measuring big; by about 2 weeks! Not by fundal height but by it's placement/height. She said if we hadn't already had 4 other ultrasounds she would be sending us for one to double check to make sure it wasn't multiples. I'll be 16 weeks on Friday but I'm already measuring about 18 weeks.

She was also able to find the heartbeat briefly. Apparently we have a VERY active baby, and I hadn't ate or drank anything other than water in the past two hours so it wasn't me giving the baby extra sugar. She even laughingly said, "Good luck when this one comes out! You two are going to be busy!" Baby was moving around so much we were only able to catch the heartbeat for about 2 seconds at a time. We were able to hear a few kicks against the doppler as well. And baby is definitely hanging out on my right side, which is what I was guessing. She said the good news is since the baby is so active it's a good indication that the baby is very healthy.

Our big ultrasound is scheduled for Thursday, October 9th. Also since I have had a LEEP in the past the OB that reviewed my files suggested that they monitor my cervix closely which means a few extra ultrasounds in there after the BIG one to check the length of it. I'm MORE than okay with that!

As far as how I was already guessing that the baby was hanging out on the right side, my right side is slightly higher than my left most of the time. And if I push my stomach out as far as possible the lump on the right will suddenly move to the center, so that's the baby saying, "Hey! You're squishing me here!" and moving towards the middle.

Latest Ultrasound

2008-08-04T17:06:00.000-05:00

This was the coolest ultrasound we've had to date. When she (tech) first started the baby was sleeping and very still, but we could see the heartbeat pumping away at 162 beats per minute. She had me go use the bathroom and when I came back the baby was awake and kicking and moving their arms. She did ask us if we were planning on finding out the gender and after we said yes, she said, "Okay, because I keep seeing a little poker...but at this stage both girls and boys look very similar so it could mean anything."

Another Ultrasound!

2008-07-15T13:10:00.000-05:00

We had another ultrasound today! The baby is measuring right on track with my ovulation date. Last time at 5w5d (5 weeks 5 days) the baby measured 6 weeks. This time we're 7w4d and the baby measured 7w3d so it's perfect. The heart-rate was also at 167 beats per minute. Looking good!

We have another ultrasound scheduled for screening purposes on August 5th.

Big announcement!

2008-07-02T18:22:00.000-05:00

I'm pregnant again! This time it looks like it's going to stick!

We just came from our second ultrasound, first one they gave us pictures from. We are measuring 6 weeks and got to see the heartbeat at 109 BPM. I'm in awe and shock and feeling awesome about this pregnancy. Plus I've got some morning sickness going on, so that's always a good sign!

Brandon already thinks it looks like a girl. ;-) I think it's a boy! Ha...way to early to know! I'm due February 27, 2009, which is Brandon's birthday! And we found out on father's day that we were pregnant! How cool is that. Great father's day gift and a great birthday gift as well!

We will be finding out the gender as soon as we can, I'll be updating on that. We are going to keep names a secret through, so don't ask!

Infertility, miscarriages, and ectopic pregnancies.

2008-03-28T05:02:00.001-05:00

So it’s been two months since we got married, the day couldn’t have gone better, and I love being a wife! My husband is wonderful! But that’s not why I’m writing this blog.

Some of you know, some of you don’t, that Brandon and I have been trying to get pregnant since March 2005. March 11 was our third anniversary of trying to conceive and to be quite honest it’s been getting harder and harder to see pregnant women and babies for not only me, but Brandon as well. It’s gotten substantially harder since December.

What happened in December? Well we found out we were pregnant! A week later we found out we were miscarrying. After almost 3 years God finally blessed us with our little one and then took it away a week later...at least that’s how I feel. We were told to NOT get pregnant for at least one month.

Amazingly enough, opps, pregnant again in January...what in the heck was going on? It takes us so long to get pregnant and suddenly, two pregnancies? Unfortunately my BETA HCG s didn’t go up like they were supposed to and a week before our wedding date we were told it was ectopic via confirmation of an ultrasound that found a small sac in my right tube. The Monday before we got married I had to get a shot called Methotrexate to terminate the pregnancy before any permanent damage was done to my tube. For those unaware, the Methotrexate shot is also used to treat cancer patients as it destroys any developing cells and deteriorates any that are still there. Since it’s such a powerful drug, we of course can’t get pregnant now for a while so we’re stuck on hold. If we were to get pregnant now we would risk the chance of a child with severe physical or mental malformations. So we have to wait till June.

In the meantime, my heart is breaking for my little ones we lost. I mentioned them in my vows to Brandon, stating how he’s been my rock as we lost our little miracles, and that he’ll be an amazing father once God finally blesses us with a miracle. I’m currently being tested to see if by chance I have celiac disease which might have caused our infertility and miscarriage. If that’s the case it will be large overhaul on our lives, having to cut out all wheat/gluten products just in the hopes that it solves the issue.

Not 100% sure why I decided that I needed to tell you all this, I guess it’s just part of my healing process. It’s hard for those who haven’t been through a miscarriage to understand, I realize that. There is no, "it’s for the best" "god wants it this way" "things will work out for the best" or "it was just a bunch of cells, time to move on." NO! This was our baby that I lost. I am a mother, just that my children that I only knew in my body for 5.5 weeks and 4.5 weeks are in heaven already. Mother’s day is seriously going to be rough this year, knowing that I won’t be acknowledged as a mother, but just as a daughter. There are some days where things are still so tough that I feel like I want to just curl up in a hole for a few days and cry. I’m still grieving the ones I lost, I would be 18 weeks today, we would probably be finding out if we were expecting a little boy or girl in the next few weeks if I hadn’t lost that first baby.

I’m terrified to get pregnant again; the fear of having another miscarriage or ectopic paralyzes me. I have a hard time ’pretending’ to be happy to hear yet another pregnancy or birth announcement, it feels like a stab in my heart that it’s not happening for us. I can see the longing in Brandon’s eyes when he plays with a child and it kills me inside that so far I’ve been unable to give him a child of his own. I feel like I’m being punished for some unfair reason. I’ve been told by so many people that I’m going to be an amazing mother, and I know Brandon will be an amazing father, but God isn’t blessing us with a child. Our struggles are all on me as I’m the one with infertility issues so it seems an unfortunate burden to bear. I’ll admit that this has shaken my faith quite a bit and I’m having a hard time why God would be doing this to us. Is it because we were trying before we were married? If so, then why does he allow other unmarried individuals to get pregnant? Why allow 14 year olds or crack whores to get pregnant and carry to term? Why not us? We’re good people! We would give that child more love than it can handle! Ugh...I’m frustrated, angry, sad, depressed, anxious, and confused over why it’s all happened. But I suppose it’s good to vent it all out. If you’ve been thinking I’ve been a different person lately this is likely why.

I’m ending this long blog with one poem that has helped me somewhat in my journey and another that reminds me that I am a mother, even though my little ones are already in heaven. And Brandon, I love you and hope that one day God will finally bless us as parents with a child to hold in our arms.

Just Those Few Weeks by Susan Erling

For those few weeks
I had you to myself.
And that seems to short a time
to be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks
I came to know you...and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks
when I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks
It wasn’t enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died and
no one is mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks
and no "normal" person
would cry all night over a tiny, unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdrawn day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?

You were just those few weeks, my little one.
You darted in and out of my life too quickly
but it seems that’s all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.

What Makes a Mother - author unknown

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby’s not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there’s no need to stay."

"I just don’t understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child’s smile,
With all the other children and say...
"We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow’s where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here."

So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they’ll stay.

They’ll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson’s through.
And on the day that you come home
they’ll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It’s the feeling in your heart
It’s the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.