Baby is doing great! My uterus is actually measuring big; by about 2 weeks! Not by fundal height but by it's placement/height. She said if we hadn't already had 4 other ultrasounds she would be sending us for one to double check to make sure it wasn't multiples. I'll be 16 weeks on Friday but I'm already measuring about 18 weeks.
She was also able to find the heartbeat briefly. Apparently we have a VERY active baby, and I hadn't ate or drank anything other than water in the past two hours so it wasn't me giving the baby extra sugar. She even laughingly said, "Good luck when this one comes out! You two are going to be busy!" Baby was moving around so much we were only able to catch the heartbeat for about 2 seconds at a time. We were able to hear a few kicks against the doppler as well. And baby is definitely hanging out on my right side, which is what I was guessing. She said the good news is since the baby is so active it's a good indication that the baby is very healthy.
Our big ultrasound is scheduled for Thursday, October 9th. Also since I have had a LEEP in the past the OB that reviewed my files suggested that they monitor my cervix closely which means a few extra ultrasounds in there after the BIG one to check the length of it. I'm MORE than okay with that!
As far as how I was already guessing that the baby was hanging out on the right side, my right side is slightly higher than my left most of the time. And if I push my stomach out as far as possible the lump on the right will suddenly move to the center, so that's the baby saying, "Hey! You're squishing me here!" and moving towards the middle.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
Latest Ultrasound
This was the coolest ultrasound we've had to date. When she (tech) first started the baby was sleeping and very still, but we could see the heartbeat pumping away at 162 beats per minute. She had me go use the bathroom and when I came back the baby was awake and kicking and moving their arms. She did ask us if we were planning on finding out the gender and after we said yes, she said, "Okay, because I keep seeing a little poker...but at this stage both girls and boys look very similar so it could mean anything."
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Another Ultrasound!
We had another ultrasound today! The baby is measuring right on track with my ovulation date. Last time at 5w5d (5 weeks 5 days) the baby measured 6 weeks. This time we're 7w4d and the baby measured 7w3d so it's perfect. The heart-rate was also at 167 beats per minute. Looking good!
We have another ultrasound scheduled for screening purposes on August 5th.
We have another ultrasound scheduled for screening purposes on August 5th.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Big announcement!
I'm pregnant again! This time it looks like it's going to stick!
We just came from our second ultrasound, first one they gave us pictures from. We are measuring 6 weeks and got to see the heartbeat at 109 BPM. I'm in awe and shock and feeling awesome about this pregnancy. Plus I've got some morning sickness going on, so that's always a good sign!
Brandon already thinks it looks like a girl. ;-) I think it's a boy! Ha...way to early to know! I'm due February 27, 2009, which is Brandon's birthday! And we found out on father's day that we were pregnant! How cool is that. Great father's day gift and a great birthday gift as well!
We will be finding out the gender as soon as we can, I'll be updating on that. We are going to keep names a secret through, so don't ask!
We just came from our second ultrasound, first one they gave us pictures from. We are measuring 6 weeks and got to see the heartbeat at 109 BPM. I'm in awe and shock and feeling awesome about this pregnancy. Plus I've got some morning sickness going on, so that's always a good sign!
Brandon already thinks it looks like a girl. ;-) I think it's a boy! Ha...way to early to know! I'm due February 27, 2009, which is Brandon's birthday! And we found out on father's day that we were pregnant! How cool is that. Great father's day gift and a great birthday gift as well!
We will be finding out the gender as soon as we can, I'll be updating on that. We are going to keep names a secret through, so don't ask!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Infertility, miscarriages, and ectopic pregnancies.
So it’s been two months since we got married, the day couldn’t have gone better, and I love being a wife! My husband is wonderful! But that’s not why I’m writing this blog.
Some of you know, some of you don’t, that Brandon and I have been trying to get pregnant since March 2005. March 11 was our third anniversary of trying to conceive and to be quite honest it’s been getting harder and harder to see pregnant women and babies for not only me, but Brandon as well. It’s gotten substantially harder since December.
What happened in December? Well we found out we were pregnant! A week later we found out we were miscarrying. After almost 3 years God finally blessed us with our little one and then took it away a week later...at least that’s how I feel. We were told to NOT get pregnant for at least one month.
Amazingly enough, opps, pregnant again in January...what in the heck was going on? It takes us so long to get pregnant and suddenly, two pregnancies? Unfortunately my BETA HCG s didn’t go up like they were supposed to and a week before our wedding date we were told it was ectopic via confirmation of an ultrasound that found a small sac in my right tube. The Monday before we got married I had to get a shot called Methotrexate to terminate the pregnancy before any permanent damage was done to my tube. For those unaware, the Methotrexate shot is also used to treat cancer patients as it destroys any developing cells and deteriorates any that are still there. Since it’s such a powerful drug, we of course can’t get pregnant now for a while so we’re stuck on hold. If we were to get pregnant now we would risk the chance of a child with severe physical or mental malformations. So we have to wait till June.
In the meantime, my heart is breaking for my little ones we lost. I mentioned them in my vows to Brandon, stating how he’s been my rock as we lost our little miracles, and that he’ll be an amazing father once God finally blesses us with a miracle. I’m currently being tested to see if by chance I have celiac disease which might have caused our infertility and miscarriage. If that’s the case it will be large overhaul on our lives, having to cut out all wheat/gluten products just in the hopes that it solves the issue.
Not 100% sure why I decided that I needed to tell you all this, I guess it’s just part of my healing process. It’s hard for those who haven’t been through a miscarriage to understand, I realize that. There is no, "it’s for the best" "god wants it this way" "things will work out for the best" or "it was just a bunch of cells, time to move on." NO! This was our baby that I lost. I am a mother, just that my children that I only knew in my body for 5.5 weeks and 4.5 weeks are in heaven already. Mother’s day is seriously going to be rough this year, knowing that I won’t be acknowledged as a mother, but just as a daughter. There are some days where things are still so tough that I feel like I want to just curl up in a hole for a few days and cry. I’m still grieving the ones I lost, I would be 18 weeks today, we would probably be finding out if we were expecting a little boy or girl in the next few weeks if I hadn’t lost that first baby.
I’m terrified to get pregnant again; the fear of having another miscarriage or ectopic paralyzes me. I have a hard time ’pretending’ to be happy to hear yet another pregnancy or birth announcement, it feels like a stab in my heart that it’s not happening for us. I can see the longing in Brandon’s eyes when he plays with a child and it kills me inside that so far I’ve been unable to give him a child of his own. I feel like I’m being punished for some unfair reason. I’ve been told by so many people that I’m going to be an amazing mother, and I know Brandon will be an amazing father, but God isn’t blessing us with a child. Our struggles are all on me as I’m the one with infertility issues so it seems an unfortunate burden to bear. I’ll admit that this has shaken my faith quite a bit and I’m having a hard time why God would be doing this to us. Is it because we were trying before we were married? If so, then why does he allow other unmarried individuals to get pregnant? Why allow 14 year olds or crack whores to get pregnant and carry to term? Why not us? We’re good people! We would give that child more love than it can handle! Ugh...I’m frustrated, angry, sad, depressed, anxious, and confused over why it’s all happened. But I suppose it’s good to vent it all out. If you’ve been thinking I’ve been a different person lately this is likely why.
I’m ending this long blog with one poem that has helped me somewhat in my journey and another that reminds me that I am a mother, even though my little ones are already in heaven. And Brandon, I love you and hope that one day God will finally bless us as parents with a child to hold in our arms.
Just Those Few Weeks by Susan Erling
For those few weeks
I had you to myself.
And that seems to short a time
to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks
I came to know you...and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks
when I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks
It wasn’t enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died and
no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks
and no "normal" person
would cry all night over a tiny, unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdrawn day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?
You were just those few weeks, my little one.
You darted in and out of my life too quickly
but it seems that’s all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.
What Makes a Mother - author unknown
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.
"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby’s not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there’s no need to stay."
"I just don’t understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child’s smile,
With all the other children and say...
"We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow’s where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here."
So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they’ll stay.
They’ll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson’s through.
And on the day that you come home
they’ll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother,
It’s the feeling in your heart
It’s the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Some of you know, some of you don’t, that Brandon and I have been trying to get pregnant since March 2005. March 11 was our third anniversary of trying to conceive and to be quite honest it’s been getting harder and harder to see pregnant women and babies for not only me, but Brandon as well. It’s gotten substantially harder since December.
What happened in December? Well we found out we were pregnant! A week later we found out we were miscarrying. After almost 3 years God finally blessed us with our little one and then took it away a week later...at least that’s how I feel. We were told to NOT get pregnant for at least one month.
Amazingly enough, opps, pregnant again in January...what in the heck was going on? It takes us so long to get pregnant and suddenly, two pregnancies? Unfortunately my BETA HCG s didn’t go up like they were supposed to and a week before our wedding date we were told it was ectopic via confirmation of an ultrasound that found a small sac in my right tube. The Monday before we got married I had to get a shot called Methotrexate to terminate the pregnancy before any permanent damage was done to my tube. For those unaware, the Methotrexate shot is also used to treat cancer patients as it destroys any developing cells and deteriorates any that are still there. Since it’s such a powerful drug, we of course can’t get pregnant now for a while so we’re stuck on hold. If we were to get pregnant now we would risk the chance of a child with severe physical or mental malformations. So we have to wait till June.
In the meantime, my heart is breaking for my little ones we lost. I mentioned them in my vows to Brandon, stating how he’s been my rock as we lost our little miracles, and that he’ll be an amazing father once God finally blesses us with a miracle. I’m currently being tested to see if by chance I have celiac disease which might have caused our infertility and miscarriage. If that’s the case it will be large overhaul on our lives, having to cut out all wheat/gluten products just in the hopes that it solves the issue.
Not 100% sure why I decided that I needed to tell you all this, I guess it’s just part of my healing process. It’s hard for those who haven’t been through a miscarriage to understand, I realize that. There is no, "it’s for the best" "god wants it this way" "things will work out for the best" or "it was just a bunch of cells, time to move on." NO! This was our baby that I lost. I am a mother, just that my children that I only knew in my body for 5.5 weeks and 4.5 weeks are in heaven already. Mother’s day is seriously going to be rough this year, knowing that I won’t be acknowledged as a mother, but just as a daughter. There are some days where things are still so tough that I feel like I want to just curl up in a hole for a few days and cry. I’m still grieving the ones I lost, I would be 18 weeks today, we would probably be finding out if we were expecting a little boy or girl in the next few weeks if I hadn’t lost that first baby.
I’m terrified to get pregnant again; the fear of having another miscarriage or ectopic paralyzes me. I have a hard time ’pretending’ to be happy to hear yet another pregnancy or birth announcement, it feels like a stab in my heart that it’s not happening for us. I can see the longing in Brandon’s eyes when he plays with a child and it kills me inside that so far I’ve been unable to give him a child of his own. I feel like I’m being punished for some unfair reason. I’ve been told by so many people that I’m going to be an amazing mother, and I know Brandon will be an amazing father, but God isn’t blessing us with a child. Our struggles are all on me as I’m the one with infertility issues so it seems an unfortunate burden to bear. I’ll admit that this has shaken my faith quite a bit and I’m having a hard time why God would be doing this to us. Is it because we were trying before we were married? If so, then why does he allow other unmarried individuals to get pregnant? Why allow 14 year olds or crack whores to get pregnant and carry to term? Why not us? We’re good people! We would give that child more love than it can handle! Ugh...I’m frustrated, angry, sad, depressed, anxious, and confused over why it’s all happened. But I suppose it’s good to vent it all out. If you’ve been thinking I’ve been a different person lately this is likely why.
I’m ending this long blog with one poem that has helped me somewhat in my journey and another that reminds me that I am a mother, even though my little ones are already in heaven. And Brandon, I love you and hope that one day God will finally bless us as parents with a child to hold in our arms.
Just Those Few Weeks by Susan Erling
For those few weeks
I had you to myself.
And that seems to short a time
to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks
I came to know you...and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks
when I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks
It wasn’t enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died and
no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks
and no "normal" person
would cry all night over a tiny, unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdrawn day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?
You were just those few weeks, my little one.
You darted in and out of my life too quickly
but it seems that’s all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.
What Makes a Mother - author unknown
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.
"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby’s not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there’s no need to stay."
"I just don’t understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child’s smile,
With all the other children and say...
"We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow’s where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here."
So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they’ll stay.
They’ll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson’s through.
And on the day that you come home
they’ll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother,
It’s the feeling in your heart
It’s the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
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